I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
