I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
