Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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