just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
