We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
