i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
