It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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