you would pick up someone in the library
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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