Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
