checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
