i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
