Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Randomize
