I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
