We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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