I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
