I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
