shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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