i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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