yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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