So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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