She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
