TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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