to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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