btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
