How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
