OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
