Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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