I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
