I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
