oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize