Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
