Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
