yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
