he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
