And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
