in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
