in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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