Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
