I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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