it was like his penis was on wheels.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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