next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
