Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
