I would go down on you faster than GM stock
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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