I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
