Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
