we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
