hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
