her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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