Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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