Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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