My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
