I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
