U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
