i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
No subtext here. People are naked.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
