Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
