dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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