2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
