just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
