IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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