Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
