woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
