I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
