it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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