my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
