You really coming over, don't trick.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
