P.S. I can't hear my feet
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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